Mother Nature Is a Nasty Woman
(An open letter to President T****)
Dear President T****,
Now that you’re in office, it seems like we have something BIGLY to discuss. ENORMOUS, actually. I mean, it’s really enormous. Really. Just enormous. I think we both know what I’m getting at here: c****** c*****.
Now, I know these words upset you, which is why I’ve left them out. I know that you’re so upset, as I am, about c****** c***** that you’ve even removed all references to it from the White House and would like the Environmental Protection Agency to do the same. It’s certainly easier to pretend something isn’t happening if you don’t talk about it. (Which is also why I’ve chosen not to use your name… I’m trying to see if your “censorship by erasure” tactic really works! You can’t REALLY be president if I don’t say your name… can you?) However, I think it’s time we address this very YUGE topic at the start of your new administration.
Anthropogenic (which means caused by humans… I know words, I have the best words) c****** c***** is real and already is causing very big damage. Very big. Last year is now the hottest on record, followed by 2015, followed by 2014… and greenhouse gases from human activities are the bigliest drivers of this tremendous c****** in c******.
Scientific studies indicate that extreme weather events such as heat waves and large storms, like Katrina, Sandy, and Matthew, will likely become more frequent or more intense as the c****** continues to c*****. Not to mention that sea levels are rising, and that c****** c***** gives rise to new outbreaks of disease and pests that will make people sick and change life as we know it — all on top of the air and water pollution from burning fossil fuels that has helped get us into this mess.
C****** c***** is terrible. I mean, it’s really bad. It’s such a problem. Mother Nature is a nasty woman! But we have to do something, and building a censorship wall against this YUGE issue won’t help. We have to make the climate GREAT again! (I’m sure Ivanka would agree.) That starts with curbing our greenhouse gas emissions from fossil fuels and investing in the booming clean energy industry, which already supports 88,000 jobs in wind energy and almost 209,000 jobs in solar. The majority of those jobs, by the way, are in Republican-leaning states like Texas, Oklahoma, and Iowa. In fact, 72 percent of Republicans want the U.S. to accelerate clean energy growth. And let’s be honest, with your record-low approval ratings and the sparse crowd at your inauguration, you need all the support you can muster.
In short, we can create TREMENDOUS economic opportunities in both blue and red states — and you’re all about bringing America together, right? The world is watching us, too, and as winners, we need to make good on the global commitment we made in Paris to reduce our carbon emissions.
These are the facts and there are no alternatives. We have to fight pollution and c****** c***** and create new, family-sustaining jobs or we’ll be weak losers. That’s how we’re going to make America TOUGH again — by WINNING on c****** c*****.